20th Century Fox was, is, and always will be my favorite motion picture company of all time! I mean, they made all of these classics, like Planet of the Apes, and Alien! Fox movies were even my childhood! Back then when I was a kid, I was hyped up to see a good movie when I saw that golden statue, be it a movie about Apes enslaving and imprisoning humans, or black lizards bursting out of people's bodies, or even something as simple and childish as a squirrel collecting acorns, I knew that I was going to watch something good. And, as a die hard fan of Fox (NO PUN INTENDED) I decided to watch what is their best known movie. Nope! Not The Sound of Music. Not Die Hard. Not The Abyss. Not X-Men. Not even Ice Age, but Star Wars. This is quite a story to tell, as Star Wars is not only Fox's best known movie, but the most popular movie, regardless of any field! Now, let's take a look at this movie, shall we?
The Opening Edit
So, we start off aware of a war going on in the galaxy, and we get an example of that. Next thing you know, the first character we are introduced to is the most annoying one! Then we get introduced to the main antagonist, who is cliche enough as to wear black clothes and boldly walk into the screen. Next, we are introduced to a feminist social justice warrior.
The annoying-as-fuck loudmouth robot lands on a desert planet and he and his counterpart both somehow get captured by the same scavengers, who sell them to a farmboy who ends up being the main character. It was about time we got introduced to our hero. I would rather the main protagonist be introduced way earlier than this. Coincidentally, he buys the same two damn droids that were together since the beginning of the movie.
R2D2, the trash can droid, wanders off looking for "Obi Wan Kenobi". Luke worries his ass off to rescue it. But then he gets his ass beaten by Space Muslims. An old man makes Elephant impressions to scare off the Space Muslims. He then talks to Luke, telling him that the Jundland Wastes are not to be traveled lightly- WTF WAS HE DOING THERE, THEN?!?! AND HOW DOES HE KNOW HIS NAME IS LUKE?!?!
Then the two go to his house.... ALONE! That is just creepy, and there is a long session of mere small talk.
Obi Wan, you need to stay the fuck away from teenagers and go do something more productive!
Obi Wan leads Luke to Mos Eisley. "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy" then why go there, and why does Obi Wan have no problem being there? (Maybe he is a thug, too?) and there is no scum or villainy in this town at all. Wtf?
Then he goes into a bar with ease and talks to a pirate smuggler as if he always knew him, when we do not know that.
Leia, the feminist social justice warrior, has her homeplanet Alderaan blown up by the Empire and cries like a little baby over it than stops after a few minutes, like she doesn't care anymore. SO SHE ADMITS THAT HER SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR BRETHREN WERE TRASH!!!
Rescue the Princess cliche Edit
At last, after 45 straight tedious minutes of being on a desert, and a plot that barely moves along ever, we get the cliche story template of rescuing the princess. Look, if you like that cliche, then great! But watch Shrek or play Mario Bros. Just don't watch this shit ass movie. It had the feel of an action movie, but there was not all that much to it, and it went by too quick.
Death Star Edit
The Rebels then attack the Death Star, which has the ability to destroy planets, but is not always used, and has millions of innocent lives onboard. They did not put anything into consideration when they blew it up.
Nazi propaganda film knock off? Edit
We get a ceremony ending, identical to the ending of the pro Nazi propaganda film, The Triumph of the Will.
Overview of this review Edit
I give the movie 2/10.
Poorly developed characters that are all examples of traditional character cliches, a tedious plot line, barely any action, as the title is misleading, and a practical knock off of a pro-Nazi propaganda film.